I have been thinking a lot about the past lately. Mostly because I can’t let it go. I cling to it like if I don’t I might forget something that has been done to me or something that I’ve done. I carry it around with me like a suitcase. Only now instead of just one suitcase, I have a whole set of Samsonite luggage. I’m ready to let it go because I’m freaking exhausted from carrying it around with me..all day..every day. God, you don’t keep a record of our wrongs. Why then do I feel like I need to keep a record? It is only holding me back from all of the promises that You want to bring into being in my life. Sitting around and thinking about all the things that have gone wrong in my life, is just wasting time that I could be spending more wisely. I’m done wasting time. I have an even longer list of things that I want to accomplish in this life. It’s time for me to focus in on that list and let go of what I can’t change. Last year at this time, I felt like God was leading me to write about my past. I did write some of it but it only brought it back to the surface. I believe what You were really trying to tell me was that it’s time to let go. As I began to write about my past, I did work through some things that I needed to get out but now I’m ready to move forward. I will never forget my past completely. It is part of who I am but I can’t cling to it or let it drag me down. There are parts of me that I have kept buried for over 10 years because I was so afraid of being hurt by anyone ever again. What I have learned about life is that you can’t live in fear. I can’t rein in my emotions because I don’t want to rebuild the dam that has finally been broken. I won’t let fear steal my joy anymore. Does this mean that I won’t ever feel pain again? No, I wish that was the case. What it means is that I am willing to risk the pain that might come when I love with hope and faith. I will live in joy and peace everyday. I will lean on God when I feel anxious and confused. I will reach out to people even after they hurt me. Hurting people hurt people. They don’t mean to do it but they do. Sometimes when you are in pain, you can’t see what’s right in front of you. The pain can be overwhelming and all-consuming. That’s not how God wants us to live. That is why he gave us each other. He wants us to reach out to one another and show the love that He shows us everyday. He forgives us, not once but everyday. His mercies are made new each morning. Think about that… each morning. Not just every religious holiday or just on Sunday. Every single day of our lives…..
Since I am talking about letting go of the past, there are a few things that I want to say about the past as I am now letting it go. This week I said good-bye to a dear friend of mine, Anthony Peterson. He will always be in my heart and I can’t wait to see him again in Heaven to get a great big bear hug and see that smile that could light up any room. I met Anthony through serving together at The Well Church. I learned through serving that you can’t serve the Lord together without serving each other. I think Anthony gave more to me than I ever gave to him. He had a gift for knowing when I wasn’t okay even if I said I was. Losing Anthony brought back many memories for me from The Well Church. Last year about this time, the core leadership of the church made a decision due to many circumstances that I won’t go into now not to continue the church. It was a very hard decision to make for all of us. What I didn’t realize until recently was that I was holding onto guilt that I could have done more to save the church. I thought that I hadn’t fulfilled God’s will for what The Well Church should have been. On the way home from Chelsea Funeral Home on Monday night, God told me that The Well did exactly what His plan called for it to do. He reminded me that it wasn’t my plan or Ricky’s plan or any other member of our church’s plan. It was His plan. What I want to say to everyone who was part of The Well or ever attended The Well or even heard or was served by The Well is this… I am forever a part of The Well Church Family and I wouldn’t trade a minute of our time together. I met great people and made dear friends through my experience with The Well Church and it will forever be a part of me. What I am letting go of now, is not the memories or the people but all the what if’s that just don’t matter. It’s a new day. Today is the day that the Lord has made, Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
